This year, my birthday sort of didn't really hit me. If I cared it probably would've been the best birthday yet for an onlooker... but... I guess there's been times when I have cared and those times were happier: not as meaningful but happier. Anyways, my mind is quite messed up right now (screw you focus 10). At times I'm surprised that I"m already 19, which is very close to 20, which is equivilant to two decades or 20% of a century. Am I really that old? Yes, I know... I've been alive for a while and I've gone through a lot and I've done a lot. When you start recalling all the little moments from everywhere, and start summing up the total amount of times it took for me to get there and then move on... it adds up quite fast. Life, for me, had taken on surprising turns that doesn't quite make sense from afar, but upon scrutiny the decisions I've made have worked out for me. (I'm sure not all of them really worked out... but I think for the most part, everything major is the best I can make it to be. Of course some things are beyond my power, but that's that.)
Yeah, I actually, for some time now, don't think that life is all that short... that probably shows you how much I know and how much of life I'm exposed to... meh. But I think it's more about being disciplined enough to make use of as much of your time as you can... which is hard, and I do slack off A LOT... which is natural, I guess. To be fair to myself though I think I've done quite a bit in the last term, and that I've accomplished quite a bit: I've gone through with interviews and learned about the process (so I got what I wanted out of it, even if my pay sucks), I've done FM, I've ran a tournament, I've done pretty well in 4/5 of my courses, I've made some new friends, I've met him twice, and I've sortaf grown.
So what's all this bullcrap now? I know there're a few more days to new year but... I guess... here's one new year's resolution for myself:
Don't go nuts.
Yeah, that'll be quite necessary. But anyways, that's off topic again... point is, here's another point in time marked by that ruler that we call the Gregorian Calendar... and that point, as any other points in time, marks hope (hmmm, should I be feeling anything when I'm typing this? ... because apparently I don't.) ... and so my hope is that I'll make use of my time ... while not going nuts.
End of entry
